41

Today is my 41st birthday.

I realized this morning that I am comfortable with my life. I love my husband, my son, and my daughter-on-loan. I love our new house. Thanks to Facebook, I feel connected to my friends and family, even if I'm not able to see them as often as I think of them. I may never be svelte, but I nourish my body with good food and lots of exercise. I have come to peace with the limitations of my brain injury, even if those limitations still frustrate me at times. Being married, having a child (two this year!), I feel like my life is on track. I have made peace with my gray, thin hair, and I rather like the laugh lines that offer evidence of all the joy I have found in my forty-one years. I still think my eyes are my best feature, even if they don't see well enough for me to drive long distances, or at night, or in bad weather, or on unfamiliar highways.

I don't really live by a to do list because I can't take my abilities each day for granted. All I can do is all I can do and that's all I can do. Some days I can do a lot: cook meals, organize our house, create projects, play with my son. Other days, getting out of bed and taking a shower is a big accomplishment. As much as my husband and I try to plans my days so I can live them as fully as possible, not everything can be anticipated, like my normally easy-going son acting out in school and hitting a girl.

Today started well. A flooded Facebook wall with well wishes. D happily running to his preschool class. An early morning yoga session. Some much needed "me" time. But, on a dime, hearing about D's bad choice, praying that I would respond well, and helping him understand how his actions hurt another, now my head is exploding and all I want to do is lay in bed. A nap will do us both well and tomorrow is a new day.

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